It was early
evening and sounds crept into Natalia’s mind as she stepped out of her car. She
didn’t even want to be there at the bistro and preferred to hide under the
blankets and stay in bed. Instead she waited for Mason in front of the bistro. All
she had to do was wait out a few hours and she could go home. While she waited
though, Nattie stared at herself in the side window; the circles and bags
hadn’t disappeared from under her eyes, her hair in un-brushed layers. Jaded
and miserable, she was a burnt out girl with nothing left who wanted to
strangle her thoughts. Not perfect.
Underserving. Why bother?
“Ready
babe?” Mason said.
“Yeah, let’s eat,” she said. It would have been easier if we stayed at my place and ordered takeout.
“You really went all out tonight didn’t you?” Nattie said.
“Of course. I wanted this to be special.”
“Special?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“What?”
He smiled and said, “You’ll find out later.”
Mason knew that Nattie didn’t like surprises. So what did he plan?
The waiter returned and handed them their meals. They ate in silence and occasionally Mason would ask if she liked the food, Nattie either said ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ or she nodded. She worried if her act had slipped, if what she said seemed forced. It didn’t help that kept looking at her like he was analyzing her answers.
“Answer it,” she said. “You’d be with a pretty girl, a girl who could make you happy. One that was worth something.”
Mason tried to place his hand over Nattie’s hand; she pulled her hand away before he could though. “Where is this coming from?”
Nattie shook her head. “It’s nothing. Forget I said anything.”
“Tell me.”
“I said drop it. It doesn’t matter.” Nattie looked away and played with her food. “Sorry. I don’t feel well today.”
“Do you want to go home? I’ll take you.”
“No, I’ll make it. Let’s just change the subject.”
“Okay. Whatever you want.”
“You can’t give me what I want.”
Another waiter came with a tray of deserts in front of him. Every flavor of cakes, flaming deserts, ice creams, mousse, all of it looked delicious and sweet. The waiter took a couple slices of cheesecake and handed a piece to both of them. She knew that Mason hated strawberry cheesecake. Why would he eat it? She took a bite out of the cake.
“I wouldn’t do that. Just open the box.”
Nattie scrunched up her face and put down her dessert to open the box. She inched open the box by centimeters; his surprise might not be so bad if she took her time. Mason just smiled and ate the cheesecake. Inside the jewelry box was a ring she pushed away. Nattie didn’t expect this or what her boyfriend said next. “Nattie, will you marry me,” he said.
Her cheeks turned red and burned. She tilted her head and blinked a few times; the ring was still in front of her and still proof that Mason proposed. None of it felt real. He didn’t ask her to marry him, did he?
“Marry me, Natalia.”
It still didn’t register in her mind.“You want to marry me?”
“Yes.”Before Mason could speak another word, Nattie excused herself from the table to go to the restroom. She had never been this nervous before. She paced back and forth, kicked the stall door, and made herself dizzy in the process. Nattie combed her fingers through her hair and pulled sections of it against her face. She rubbed her eyes and sank against the wall. She blinked back tears and felt a lump in her throat. Nattie curled up in a ball and hit her forehead against her knees. Now to fall apart.
“He shouldn’t marry a stupid girl who pushes everyone away.”
She stepped out of the restroom and walked over to the maître d’s desk. She cleared her throat to get the man’s attention.
“Yes miss?”
“After I leave can you give that man over there this note?” Nattie handed the maître d the note and pointed towards Mason. “I don’t want my date to worry.”
“Sure. Do you need a taxi? I can have one called for you if you need one.”
The maître d was understanding when he took the note.
“Thanks, but I have my phone with me. Just give him the note after I leave,” she said.
“I will. Have a nice evening.”
Nattie gave the maître d a smile and left the restaurant. She hoped she wouldn’t cause Mason much pain. The words she wrote burned into her mind; she thought about how Mason’s face would look when he read the note.
Mason.
Sorry. You should marry someone else.
Love,
Nattie
“You really went all out tonight didn’t you?” Nattie said.
“Of course. I wanted this to be special.”
“Special?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“What?”
He smiled and said, “You’ll find out later.”
Mason knew that Nattie didn’t like surprises. So what did he plan?
The waiter returned and handed them their meals. They ate in silence and occasionally Mason would ask if she liked the food, Nattie either said ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ or she nodded. She worried if her act had slipped, if what she said seemed forced. It didn’t help that kept looking at her like he was analyzing her answers.
“Answer it,” she said. “You’d be with a pretty girl, a girl who could make you happy. One that was worth something.”
Mason tried to place his hand over Nattie’s hand; she pulled her hand away before he could though. “Where is this coming from?”
Nattie shook her head. “It’s nothing. Forget I said anything.”
“Tell me.”
“I said drop it. It doesn’t matter.” Nattie looked away and played with her food. “Sorry. I don’t feel well today.”
“Do you want to go home? I’ll take you.”
“No, I’ll make it. Let’s just change the subject.”
“Okay. Whatever you want.”
“You can’t give me what I want.”
Another waiter came with a tray of deserts in front of him. Every flavor of cakes, flaming deserts, ice creams, mousse, all of it looked delicious and sweet. The waiter took a couple slices of cheesecake and handed a piece to both of them. She knew that Mason hated strawberry cheesecake. Why would he eat it? She took a bite out of the cake.
“I wouldn’t do that. Just open the box.”
Nattie scrunched up her face and put down her dessert to open the box. She inched open the box by centimeters; his surprise might not be so bad if she took her time. Mason just smiled and ate the cheesecake. Inside the jewelry box was a ring she pushed away. Nattie didn’t expect this or what her boyfriend said next. “Nattie, will you marry me,” he said.
Her cheeks turned red and burned. She tilted her head and blinked a few times; the ring was still in front of her and still proof that Mason proposed. None of it felt real. He didn’t ask her to marry him, did he?
“Marry me, Natalia.”
It still didn’t register in her mind.“You want to marry me?”
“Yes.”Before Mason could speak another word, Nattie excused herself from the table to go to the restroom. She had never been this nervous before. She paced back and forth, kicked the stall door, and made herself dizzy in the process. Nattie combed her fingers through her hair and pulled sections of it against her face. She rubbed her eyes and sank against the wall. She blinked back tears and felt a lump in her throat. Nattie curled up in a ball and hit her forehead against her knees. Now to fall apart.
“He shouldn’t marry a stupid girl who pushes everyone away.”
She stepped out of the restroom and walked over to the maître d’s desk. She cleared her throat to get the man’s attention.
“Yes miss?”
“After I leave can you give that man over there this note?” Nattie handed the maître d the note and pointed towards Mason. “I don’t want my date to worry.”
“Sure. Do you need a taxi? I can have one called for you if you need one.”
The maître d was understanding when he took the note.
“Thanks, but I have my phone with me. Just give him the note after I leave,” she said.
“I will. Have a nice evening.”
Nattie gave the maître d a smile and left the restaurant. She hoped she wouldn’t cause Mason much pain. The words she wrote burned into her mind; she thought about how Mason’s face would look when he read the note.
Mason.
Sorry. You should marry someone else.
Love,
Nattie
Other things that my CW(II) class liked:
- It doesn't drag like it did last time. So pacing is better.
- Showing and telling is good. I've found the right balence.
- From the beginning they wanted to know what happens next.
- The internal dialogue of Nattie is good
- The middle dialogue was good(The part right before Mason asks Nattie to marry him).
- They really felt sorry for Mason.
- They wanted to know more why she couldn't marry him.
- Is there another way that Nattie could have acted instead of in this cowardly way? Couldn't she have been like, "You know, fuck you. I'm not marrying you."
- Is Mason an ass hole who doesn't care or does he really do care about Nattie and thinks he can take care of her and make her better by being with her?
